the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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