I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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