i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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