It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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