he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
