have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
