I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
