once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
