You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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