you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize