My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
