I faked an abortion last night.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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