Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize