Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize