There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
