Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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