If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
