how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
