So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
