Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize