Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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