this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
