i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
