worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
40s are totally the cure
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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