You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
