Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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