You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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