i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
