Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
