Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
