google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
