The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
