Cold hands, warm shart.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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