Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
