I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
