u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just found puke in my bra..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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