He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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