we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
