Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize