yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
