im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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