He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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