im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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