I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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