dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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