is wine microwaveable?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
