Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
