I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
