When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
