Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
