Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Randomize
