I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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