then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
