hotel room ftw
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
