Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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