How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
