Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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