Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
