What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
third nipple confirmed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
