If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
