My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize