I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
