You're my little dorito
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
