There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
