If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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