if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
