i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
