Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
