Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
