god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
that's an acceptable place to lick
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
